Colors and pillows and ribbons

I know Girls is a polarizing show, but to me the genius is in the writing – it slays me in every episode. But possibly my favorite bit of dialogue from the whole series came from Shoshanna in last night’s season finale, because it could have come straight out of my own mouth when I was 21. It could have, and it should have.

Breaking up with her significantly older boyfriend, Shoshanna breaks down in tears and says:

“I can’t be surrounded by your negativity while I’m trying to grow into a fully formed human. You hate everything! Seriously, you hate everything – you hate the sound of children playing, and you hate all of your living relatives, and you hate people who wear sunglasses, like even during the day. You hate going to dinner which you know I love, you hate colors, you hate pillows, you hate ribbons, you hate everything! I can’t be the only thing you like. “

Yeah. I was in this relationship when I was 21.

                            And this is how I felt about it.

I was once watching a movie with my then 29-year-old boyfriend, and one of the characters was a sweet little girl. “Isn’t she cute?” I remarked, smiling.

“No,” he said, flatly.

“What do you mean…no?” We then proceeded to have a conversation in which he refused to admit that any child in the world was cute except for his own sister. There were no other cute children in the world.

That pretty much summed up his outlook on life. Nothing was cute. Nothing was funny. Nothing made him laugh, nothing made him smile. He hated life, generally, and anything I liked, specifically. I spent all my energy trying to break through his misery.

So last night, I lived vicariously through Shoshanna’s amazingly-worded tirade, because she said everything I should have said but didn’t. Instead, I just waited and waited and waited for things to change, while his negativity swallowed me up.

When things finally ended between us, I felt like I’d been living under thick cloud cover for months and the sun had just burst through. Like a scene in a musical where everyone simultaneously closes up their umbrellas and starts dancing in the street. Like everything that had been drained from me had filled right back up again.

And given that Shoshanna was making out with an “adult male blond” by the end of the episode, I guess that’s how she felt too.

Not guilty, just pleasures

I have a long-standing issue with the term “guilty pleasure.” People seem to feel obligated to say it whenever they confess to liking something that’s not sufficiently hip/cool/intellectual/indie/whatever. Like they can shield themselves from judgment by having the decency to feel guilty about it.

I, for one, do not feel guilty.

People are complex, and the things we like serve different purposes. I look at it like food…There are those healthy, home-cooked meals you savor because they nourish you. And then there’s the stuff with no nutritional value whatsoever that you chow down on just cause it’s delicious.

I love good music; it feeds my soul. I fully credit the Avett Brothers with getting me through my everyday life.

But then I have my snack music – the cheesier the better, and best consumed while jamming out alone in the car. Britney, Beyonce, Miley? Bring it on. Ludacris, Nelly, Lil Jon? Okay! I’ll sing along to a little T-Swift and not feel bad about it. Hey, I was once caught belting out a Ryan Cabrera song – I just don’t care!

It’s all terrible, but that’s not the point – the point is, if you can hear “Party in the U.S.A.” without nodding your head like yeah, we can’t be friends.

It’s the same with movies. Do I enjoy documentaries and thought-provoking independent films? Yes. Do I also enjoy Bring It On 1, 3 and 5? Yes. (Not 2 or 4; come on, I have standards.)

And don’t get me started on my utter lack of guilt for watching reality TV. Listen, I think a lot. My headspace can get a little overwhelming at times. So if I wanna shut it down and watch some real housewives throw drinks at each other and argue about who is or isn’t classy – that’s what I’m gonna do.

People have tried to shame me for this many times. “Why do you watch this crap?” “You’re a smart person, how can you like this?” “I can’t believe you are listening to this right now.”

Sorry – don’t care. We all have these indulgences, so let’s just drop the guilt. I’m not saying yours are the same as mine; one person’s guilty pleasure is another person’s torture chamber, for sure. But if you’re the type of person who‘s “above” having guilty pleasures at all, see: we can’t be friends, above.

I’d also just like to add that I’ve hung out with more than my fair share of music snobs, believe me – and I have seen every single one of them rock out to “MMMBop.” So let’s just stop pretending.