I’ve had several conversations about celebrity crushes recently, which got me thinking about my own over the years. My celeb crushes (and real crushes, for that matter) have generally been pretty questionable and all over the map. While I’ve been holding steady with my current loves for a few years now, many others have been cut along the way. Let’s take a look back…
Note: this is not an exhaustive list
Rider Strong, roughly age 8 -11
I was so never into JTT like all the other girls in my grade, but Rider is the first intense celebrity crush I can remember. I pined hard watching Boy Meets World every week — so cute, so brooding, so damaged! I could fix him! (Foreshadowing for later in my life? Yes.) My love knew no bounds… until I saw a horrifying poster of him in Tiger Beat, in which he sported super hairy legs and Teva sandals.
Those sandals put me over the edge — I was done.
Rider Strong
Stephan Jenkins, age 12-13
A whole portion of my bedroom wall was plastered with pictures of Stephan, cut out of various magazines as I sang along to every word of Third Eye Blind’s first album. They were the first band I ever saw in concert, at the Merriweather Post Pavilion in Maryland when I was 12. Even though we had lawn seats, I could swear he was singing right to me as he tossed white roses into the crowd (how romantic!?). A year or so later, after I’d moved to Albany, I saw them in concert again. This time, Stephan threw condoms into the crowd, and a middle-aged man grabbed my butt. I kind of soured on the whole situation after that.
Stephan Jenkins
Johnny Rzeznik, age 14-?
Seriously, what was up with that hair?
Down came Stephan’s pictures and up went Johnny’s. This one was intense. Johnny is from Buffalo, NY, just a few hours from where I live. I was filled with melancholy over the certainty that I’d been born in the wrong time and place. We would have been soul mates, otherwise. I listened to “Name” non-stop, and even made a boy I knew learn to play it for me on his guitar. It was pretty sweet, but he was no Johnny. This crush simply tapered off as I started listening to better music.
Johnny Rzeznik
Chris Brown, age 22-24
He used to be so innocent.
This took place during a phase of age-inappropriate crushes. But you know when he sang, “Mama you may be three years older but you hot”? I considered that my go-ahead.
I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH THIS ONE.
Chris Brown
Michael Cera, age 23
This was pretty short-lived. At the time, I had recently broken up with a Peter Pan-ish type. I had just discussed at length with my best friend how I needed a real man now; we both agreed it was a must. Moments later, she mentioned that her friend from college was friends with Michael Cera. I flipped out and started scheming ways for her to set me up with him. She just stared at me. “What?” I asked. “Kelly!” she said, sharply. “You JUST said you’re looking for a man and now you are swooning over the epitome of a man-child!” I couldn’t argue with that.
Michael Cera
Present day: Paul Rudd (4 life), Jay-Z, Joseph Gordon-Levitt
I recently told a guy friend my three celebrity crushes, and he replied:
“So basically…your ideal man is a skinny, charming, semi-intellectual, awkward rapper.”
Exactly.
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